i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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