I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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