Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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