some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
