I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
