Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
