separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Actions speak louder than pants.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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