mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
