I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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