who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
