White coat. Heels.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
