You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
