i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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