You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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