Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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