Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
