I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
