are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
worst night to have a conscience
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
