i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
