if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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