just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
