hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
