i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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