Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
