when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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