We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
