Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
