So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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