i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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