This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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