I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
