My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
