I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Come on in and take your pants off
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