I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
