guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
