i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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