So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
