I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
