he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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