You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
