They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
