Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
