What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
