How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
