your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
