You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
