you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
