We're facebook friends in real life
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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