it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
