i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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