I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
