how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
