just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
should my penis look like a turkey
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
