my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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