Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
